I'm an idiot..

Did you guys know that it helps to have power brick plugged into the wall when trying to charge your laptop? Ummm yeah... So that may have been a contributing factor as to why my computer hasn't been charging for the last week. Don't get me wrong, it really does have a problem, the port in the back is loose, but it doesn't help that the cord wasn't plugged in.

See? I don't need entertainment, I can amuse myself just fine.

Stupid computer and an update..

My laptop is down again so it's gonna have to go get fixed, which is why I haven't posted in forever. The power supply in the back is loose and it won't charge. Grrrr.

We had a really nice weekend. My girlfriend was in from out of town and so we got to hang out. We also went and got tattoos. YAY. I'll post pics once it's healed up a little bit. It's still quite swollen and red right now, but I love it.

We're also trying some new behavior modification techniques with T-Man right now so keep your fingers crossed for us. Hopefully these will work because I think the next step is meds and I really don't want to have to do that right now.

I'm sure there was more I wanted to get out, but I forgot it. Hopefully i'll be able to show you guys pics soon!

WTF?

Does anybody ever feel like they are in a funk and don't know how to get out of it? I've totally not been feeling like myself for the past couple of weeks and I don't know why. I've got my stuff on track for school and am totally jazzed about it, we got our tax refund and got all of our bills paid off, the boys have been great and things are generally going in the right direction. I've got a great family and friends who love and support me and life is good and I still feel depressed. So what gives? Maybe it's the weather.. Yeah, i'll blame it on that.

Decisions, decisions...

The only thing that I have decided lately is that I can't for the life of me make a decision!! For the past couple of weeks I've been struggling with which direction I want to go with my schooling. Right now i'm in school for sonography (ultrasounds), but then I thought that I would switch to Surgery tech because it would be more interesting. Well, tonight I finally decided that i'm going to bite the bullet and get my RN degree. Yes, that's right, I finally made a decision. I know it's going to be a lot more work to get my RN than it is to get my current degree, but I will be happier with myself. Hopefully some of my prerequisites will transfer since I have a perfect 4.0 right now and really don't want to have to retake those classes.

Well, off to research the programs in the area and find out who I need to talk to about all of this stuff!

It's been a hard day.

For that matter, it's been a hard week and a hard month, but today (well technically yesterday) has been especially hard.

Two years ago today one of my best friends died in a car accident. She passed away at about 2:20 AM on a Thursday night. They had been out drinking and while driving home her boyfriend, who was in another car, hit the back of her car and sent her head-first into a tree. My manager pulled me aside about 2:30 that Friday afternoon and told me that she needed to talk to me in the breakroom. When I got in there she told me that Amanda had been in a car accident and had died. I was devastated and still am. I won't say that it hasn't gotten any easier to deal with because it has. I don't think about it every day or cry every thursday like I used to, but it still hurts.

I wish I could undo it. I wish it never happened. I'm mad at her for drinking and driving. I'm mad at Umar for being a dumbass. And i'm just generally mad that her life was ended at the tender age of 22. She had so much going for her and so much to live for. She was one of the most beautiful, funny, smart and sassy people i've ever met. I miss her so much and I guess I always will.

My boy keeps me on my toes.

Sometimes I just don't know what to do with Baby K. Last night he fell (I think) and did one of his usual crying spells where he doesn't breath for a couple of seconds. Only this time he didn't breath for one minute and twenty seconds. His body went completely blue, he passed out, went limp and his eye rolled back into his head. He snapped out of it about five seconds later and started breathing again. When he came to he was very jerky and uncoordinated and was having trouble breathing. I ran next door to my Mom's house and she had me call the pedi. They of course wanted me to go to the ER. So we went and we waited. And waited. And waited some more.

Finally at midnight they called us back and we got to see the doc at 2 AM. The doc ordered a chest x-ray, head CT scan, blood work, EKG and an EEG. Everything came back fine except for his EKG. It showed that he has an abnormal heart rhythym. Apparently it beats normally and then slows down to a certain rate and then starts beating normally again.

All in all, the doc didn't know whether it was a seizure or a breath holding episode. I'm not so sure either, but I do know that it scared the shit out of me. I have never seen a child do that. I mean, K usually holds his breath when he cries, but it's never for more than 15 or 20 seconds. When he turned blue I just felt my heart drop. I was so scared. Just thinking about seeing him like that makes me cry.

Anyhow, he did okay with all of the testing. He cried alot and fought all the way through it, but what more can you expect from a 16 month old? He's been through enough surgeries and hospital stays to know when he doesn't want people touching him. I'll tell you what though, I can go through the rest of my life never seeing another child having to go through a chest x-ray, being detained in that horrible plexiglass tube and be just fine. He sat in the tube with his little arms over his head and screamed and I sat in the room next to it and bawled my eyes out. I know it didn't hurt him, but seeing your baby that upset and knowing you can't do anything is just horrible.

So we finally got admitted at 5 o'clock this morning to the childrens ward for further observation. The didn't really do anything though. They watched his pulse ox till 10 AM and then discharged us. We're supposed to follow up on monday with the pedi. Hopefully we'll have some answers as to what is going on with him sometime soon. They said that the pedi may order a MRI, but they didn't want to do one in the hospital because they would have to sedate him and since he already has had issues with anesthesia they wanted his doctor to order and oversee it.

As for now, i'm gonna go take a nap. I'll update you guys when I have more info. Keep my little man in your thoughts and pray that this was a one time thing and doesn't end up being some kind of seizure.

Oh, and a special thanks to Dy for bringing me clothes and soda to the hospital at 2 AM and hanging with me until he got admitted at 5. Dy, you rock!!

Oookay.

So T-Man got this new lava lamp from Grammy the other day. He loves this thing so damn much, but i'm starting to wonder if it was a good idea. Check out what it looked like tonight when I turned it on...


Is it just me or does that look like what I think it looks like?



I don't know about you guys, but i'd rather not have my child telling everybody that he has a "winkie lamp".

Maybe I just need to get out of the house more often.

Awwww..

They're so sweet when they're sleeping...



Now if only I could figure a way to bottle this up and keep it for those days like today...



Must remind myself that they really are good, sweet children.