Why is it that you must always be the bigger person? I'm freakin' tired of being the bigger person and I don't wanna anymore.
Before my Evil SIL came to pick up her kid today from my mom's house, I got a lecture about how I need to be nice to said E-SIL. First of all, why the hell should I be nice to a person that is NEVER nice to anyone in my family. She has offended myself, my husband, my inlaws, my friends and the list goes on. Why should I have to be the one to keep extending the olive branch when I never get anything in return? I've had it with them.
I have done more than my fair share of nice things for them and they don't so much as say thank you. We have invited them over countless times for barbeques, I loaned her all of my maternity clothes (which I still haven't gotten back and are sitting in her unlocked garage getting eaten by bugs), I packed up most of her house before they moved because she was pregnant and my brother had to work and couldn't help, helped them move to the new house and we've taken them out to dinner many times and paid and have never gotten so much as a thank you in return. They have never once called us and asked if we'd like to come over for dinner or go see a movie or hell, even just hang out. NEVER. I'm tired of being the bigger person and having to put up with thier shit. It's not right. To make matters worse, she has told me straight to my face that she and my brother don't like my four year old because of the way he acts. Ya know what? If they would ever fucking ask what is going on with him they would know that he has ADHD and we are working on it, but they don't. Instead, they are rude to him, which in turn results in us being upset because they can't get along with a four year old.
I just don't know what to do. I can't talk to my brother because he will get all offended and I can't make my parents happy. I have chosen to basically cut them out of our lives until E-SIL can start acting like a decent human being and I am totally comfortable with that, but my parents want everybody to get along like one big happy family. I'm tired of my mom's excuses as to why E-SIL behaves the way she does. I don't care that she wasn't raised in a family like ours, she still should know how to use her manners and act any other normal person does. When I tried to talk to my mom about why we don't get along with them she just cut me off and told me to drop it. How do I make my parents understand that i've done all I can do and just can't afford to let my brother and his wife's toxic behavior control our lives anymore?
Before my Evil SIL came to pick up her kid today from my mom's house, I got a lecture about how I need to be nice to said E-SIL. First of all, why the hell should I be nice to a person that is NEVER nice to anyone in my family. She has offended myself, my husband, my inlaws, my friends and the list goes on. Why should I have to be the one to keep extending the olive branch when I never get anything in return? I've had it with them.
I have done more than my fair share of nice things for them and they don't so much as say thank you. We have invited them over countless times for barbeques, I loaned her all of my maternity clothes (which I still haven't gotten back and are sitting in her unlocked garage getting eaten by bugs), I packed up most of her house before they moved because she was pregnant and my brother had to work and couldn't help, helped them move to the new house and we've taken them out to dinner many times and paid and have never gotten so much as a thank you in return. They have never once called us and asked if we'd like to come over for dinner or go see a movie or hell, even just hang out. NEVER. I'm tired of being the bigger person and having to put up with thier shit. It's not right. To make matters worse, she has told me straight to my face that she and my brother don't like my four year old because of the way he acts. Ya know what? If they would ever fucking ask what is going on with him they would know that he has ADHD and we are working on it, but they don't. Instead, they are rude to him, which in turn results in us being upset because they can't get along with a four year old.
I just don't know what to do. I can't talk to my brother because he will get all offended and I can't make my parents happy. I have chosen to basically cut them out of our lives until E-SIL can start acting like a decent human being and I am totally comfortable with that, but my parents want everybody to get along like one big happy family. I'm tired of my mom's excuses as to why E-SIL behaves the way she does. I don't care that she wasn't raised in a family like ours, she still should know how to use her manners and act any other normal person does. When I tried to talk to my mom about why we don't get along with them she just cut me off and told me to drop it. How do I make my parents understand that i've done all I can do and just can't afford to let my brother and his wife's toxic behavior control our lives anymore?
7 Comments:
Are you comfortable with the amount of effort that you've put into the relationship?
'Nuff said.
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Grrrr... stupid blogger.
Amen hon.
I can see where your mom is coming from. Your family should treat her with kindness because she married into the family, but if she is so toxic, I would not hold my tongue. Let her have it. Maybe she is not aware that everyone is walking on eggshells to please her.
What a great site » » »
Hey there!
sorry that you are having such difficulty with your family. wow when reading your post I thought that I could be your E-SIL! I met my husband(of 5 years) 8 years ago at a very young age. due to his mother's late in life pregnancy with him my NMIL is as old as my grandmother, and also due to a large age gap between my husband and his oldest sister she is only about 8 years younger then my mother!! so yeah, I had a tough time being so young and far away from home when I first met my husband. it was difficult I was only 18, not established, not in college. my ILs were horrible and hateful towards me. I constantly fought with my husband and finally one day he saw how his family treated me, and how hurtful it was to me, and that was when we came to a compromise that I would not hold him away from seeing his family, as long as he did not demand that I be there with him to see them. that was about 1 and a half years ago, and I have not so much as seen, or talked to any of his family.
life for me is just better this way, and there have been a lot of burnt bridges and bruised relationships that just can't be mended.
it sounds like you have done a lot to make your SIL feel welcomed. I admit I am jealous, all I ever got from my pushy bratty SILs were judgemental looks, belittlement, and intrusive questions. and I admit that I am jealous that your mom is standing up for your E-SIL(even though she doesn't deserve it) the first time I met my NMIL she walked through the kitchen and right passed me without so much of a smile.
so anyways, I think that it is great that you are trying your hardest, and that your mom is being nice. something is going on though... either your SIL is from Mars and has no manners, or you might have done something that you didn't even know you did, a look, gesture, or maybe something small that you said that is just hurting her.
if you E-SIL is just a brat (which it sounds like she is) then I am sorry.
it also is hurtful that your mother is all too eager to keep the peace with her, rather then trying to make you feel better. I think that you should detach.
distance yourself from your family, make yourself less availible to them, and retract your helping hand until your family gets the hint.
life is too short to hold grudges and be angry, but it is also waaay to short to keep trying to please people, and keep the peace with someone who is not interested in pitching in.
"being big while allowing those around you to act small, only leaves you surrunded by small people."
not quite sure what it means yet, but i saw that quote and it always stuck with me.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!
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