A little late is better than never, right?

Okay, okay. I suck, I know. I've been in a rut lately and truthfully, the last thing I want to do is sit at my computer and try to put my thoughts into word. Not that i'm good at that anyhow, but you get the point.

So, the ultrasound last week went well. We only saw one little bean in there, so that's good news. Looks like there won't be any twins in our future, but as the sonographer pointed out, it could always be hiding. Greeeaaaaaattt. I'm happy that it's only one, but I was getting kind of excited by at the thought of two. I don't know why. We don't need twins. We don't need to buy an extra everything or have to worry about whether we will have two cleft affected babies, rather than just one. But still. I was really excited about the thought of being totally done having kids. Not that I want another one now, but I know that I definately don't want more than four. I'm thinking about getting my tubes tied after the delivery. This pregnancy has completely taken it out of me and I just don't think I can do this again, should we want another baby. I'm leaning towards tying my tubes and if we decide on one more then we can adopt. Todd has talked about this before because he is adopted and I have pretty much put the nix on it, but now it's sounding like a better solution for us.

Well, that's about it for now. I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically from the stuff that has happened in the last week, so i'm going to go take a bubble bath since I can't drink my stress away.

My brain is in overdrive.

Lots on my mind lately and i'm sure that if I whisper one more word about the baby to my friends they are going to shoot me, so i'll just unload here. You guys are sooo lucky...lol.

So, I guess the number one thing that is bothering me is the whole twin thing. It's really freaking me out. Part of me is terrified, but the other part of me thinks it would be kinda cool. I could definately be done having babies (read- get my tubes tied on the delivery table.). The logical side of me tells me that i'm making more out of this than I should, but I just *feel* like it's twins or god-forbid triplets. OMG, i'm not even going there. Anyhow, if it is twins, it would explain all of my symptoms. The horrible morning sickness (I thought that was supposed to be less and less with each pregnancy???), my boobs being soooo sore (my boobs are NEVER sore, ever), feeling the kidlet move already (they say you can feel it earlier since twins are fighting for room.. That would explain it, my kids fighting already, who woulda thought? ;)), the doc saying my uterus is bigger than it should be and of course, we can't forget me being in full blown maternity wear at 7 weeks. My brain tells me it's not possible, but everything else inside of me knows that it's twins. Truthfully, I will be surprised if it's not.

I did find a article today that says if you were on any kind of hormonal birth contol right before you get pregnant that it can cause twin because of the extra hormones. You guessed it, I was on the Mirena IUD which has a low dose of hormones and yep, I got pregnant within three weeks of having it taken out. Whatever. We will be excited with whatever comes our way. We just want a healthy baby(ies). I know everybody says that as a normal part of their conversation, but with what we've been through with Kyle, it takes on a whole new meaning to us.

The other thing that's been on my mind for a while is my job. I think I need to find something where I can sit, or at least not have to move around so much. My work sent me home today because I was throwing up (thank you, morning sickness) and told me to have a drs. note next time I came in. Ummm, no. I'm not going to bring a drs note for morning sickness. They don't know about the baby yet and i'm not sure that they are gonna be cool with it. Besides that, they have me working 8 shifts this week (which means TWO doubles..) with only one day off. I'm just not up for that. I don't want to look for another job right now, but if I don't do it now, I doubt that anybody is going to hire me if i'm obviously showing. At least right now I can hide it for an interview or two. I'm thinking maybe a doctors office, or a call center or something. We really don't need the money for bills, so whatever I make is just pretty much for spending.

I go in for my sonogram on Wednesday morning and my girl Dy is coming with me for emotional support. Hopefully all will go well. At this point i'm more worried that they are going to tell me it's a Molar pregnancy or something is dreadfully wrong.

Must go drink some peppermint tea now and try to convince myself that this morning sickness is not going to get the best of me.

Simply amazing video

Somebody from my cleft group posted this a couple of days ago and I just got around to watching it. The dedication that this father has to his son is absolutely amazing. I'm boo-hooing like a baby now. Have your kleenex ready.

Here ya go...

Quick update

I went for my first OB appointment today. I hate the first appt. It's always so long and boring, but it all went well, so I can't complain. I have to schedule a sonogram for next week already. Apparently my uterus is a little bit bigger than it's supposed to be at this point and since we have a history of twins in our family, she wants to rule it out.

OMG.. Twins... I don't know what to think.

Cute pic...

Okay, all together now... AWWWWW

I'm a bad groupie...

I think I started an argument on my Due-In-March mom's group. Obviously I haven't been on there long, but when something sets me off I usually can't keep quiet.

Here's the story... I wrote a post asking the other preggo mom's if they were on any type of antidepressants and if they were, was there a type that their doc said to stay away from. I am on Lexapro to help with the depression that i've had since Kyle was born. Everything that i've read on it says that it's not really safe for pregnancy, but i've talked to two different nurse practitioners at my doctors office and they both say it's fine. Now, I already have one child with a birth defect and the other one has ADHD. So, if I can help it, I'd rather not raise the chances of this one being born with a birth defect or emotional problem.

Anyhow, back to the point here. After I sent this post asking for advice, this lady on the group sent me the statistic sheet from Lexapro. Yes, i've already read that... I coulda done that myself. Thanks. Then, a couple of days later she wrote a post saying she was "shocked at how many women were on antidepressants" and that they were "not necessary" and the best and my personal favorite, "What will happen when the stresses of new motherhood hit you?" This totally put me off. I'm sorry, but this woman has no clue as to what we've been through in the last two years between Kyle's three surgeries, hundreds of doctors appointments, Tyler's behavior and my round of radiation and two surgeries. Not to mention both of us losing our jobs, filing bankruptcy, losing our house and cars and being basically financially ruined (thank God that's better now). You go through all of that in two freaking years and then tell me that I should try the homeopathic route instead. Yeah right! I wrote back (very nicely... Okay, kinda nicely.. Okay, maybe not.) that she shouldn't make snap judgements about other's decisions because you never know what that person has gone through or is currently going through. I did apologize at the end of the email saying i'm sorry if I offended anybody, but sometimes these things are not able to be controlled through natural methods.

I did get a lot of support from the other mom's on the group saying that they were on AD's because of chemical imbalances and didn't have any other choice. I felt better about my email after that, until... The other lady responded to my second post, not really saying much and kind of avoiding the whole point of the post, except to say that she had never experienced depression and didn't believe that it was a true illness. Okay Tom Cruise. Why the fuck are you responding to the post if you've never dealt with it and have no basis for your bullshit? Ugh, that shit just pisses me right the fuck off. I just dropped it all after that. I think somebody else chimed in later in my defense telling her to back off if she didn't have something useful to add.

I know that she thought that she was trying to help, but all she did was make me feel like a horrible mom for having to depend on AD's to keep me sane. I still feel somewhat bad about staying on the Lexapro, but at this point I don't trust myself to get off of it. I had extremely bad PPD after Kyle was born (because of his problems and not being able to nurse) and had one episode that scared the shit out of me. Tyler did something (that wasn't even bad) and I got this feeling in my stomach like I had to go hit him. No, I had to go beat him. Thank god Todd was there. I grabbed the keys and took off. The next morning I was in the doctor's office at 8 AM to get on meds. That episode by itself was enough to scare the hell out of me and make me realize that I NEVER want to feel like that again.

Anyhow, do you guys think I over-reacted (if you say yes, i'm going to blame it on the hormones..lol) or was I right in being upset about this?

Wow

These pregnancy hormones have hit with full force. Just in the last two days i've started getting really nauseous and am sensitive to smells, especially strong food smells and smoke. At least it doesn't last long, usually just a couple of minutes at a time. I remember being like this when I was pregnant with Ty, but not so much with Kyle. I guess I was kinda hoping that it wouldn't happen at all this time around. Blah...

What all can happen in 30 minutes?

Alot apparently. I don't typically blog about work stuff becuase it's just really not interesting. I work in a restaurant and i'm friends with almost everybody that I work with. We hang out after work and i've made some really good friends from the restaurant. But today something funny happened. I was unemployed for a whole thirty minutes. I got fired from the restaurant because I apparently "cause too many problems and get too many shifts covered." In my opinion, this is a total bullshit excuse because I haven't had a shift covered in over a month and the only reason I was causing problems is because of some other jackass I worked with.

I know that I got canned because the asshole that was causing the problems is one of the GM's favorites. But really, i'm not the only one that has problems with this guy. He treats all of the women that work there like they should bow down to him and respect him whether he respects us or not. If you know me, you know that that kind of shit doesn't fly with me. If you want respect you need to treat me with it as well. Lately this guy has been causing me all kinds of rediculous problems. Just to name a few, he would stab my tickets BEFORE the kitchen could make the food, therefore my tables got no food. He would stand at the host stand and seat only himself or the other mexican servers, leaving me with practically no tables (Sunday night I made $27 because of him). He goes behind me and messes up my side work and then tries to tell the manager that I didn't do it. Yes, I have talked to the manager, the GM and the owner of the restaurant about this all to no avail. Again, he is one of the favorite and the GM is too busy sucking his dick to address our concerns.

Anyhow, I got fired before my shift started at 4:30, went down the street and applied at another place and thirty minutes later I walked out with a job. The GM there was pretty excited that I have my TABC certification and have waited tables before, so he pretty much hired me on the spot. He did say that he was going to check my references. Apparently he called my old manager (who I get along with very well, not the GM) and my three references. The manager told my references that I had the job and he was just checking to make sure.

I know that this story doesn't have much of a point at all. I just think that it is hilarious that I was only unemployed for 30 minutes. Yes, my life really is that uninteresting.